Another Loss

We were hoping this would never happen again. But life isn’t fair and we experienced loss again.

I became pregnant with William Thomas Alden in October 2022. We had been trying for a year to conceive again but no luck so we started with Clomid again. We were finally able to conceive and things seemed to be going just fine.

In January 2023, we got the news that our genetic testing came back positive for DiGeorge Syndrome. It is a rare genetic disorder which you can learn more about here. This prompted us to speak with a genetic counselor and also a High Risk OB/GYN at Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM).

We learned that the genetic test we did is only 50% accurate. So it wasn’t even a guarantee that the baby had the syndrome because it is so rare. The syndrome causes many different symptoms which can include clef palate, heart defects, an issues with the esophagus and stomach.

The concerns for our situation was that this is what happened to our first son Fynn Riley. I was assured by our MFM Doctor that this wasn’t the case. We were asked if we wanted to preform an amniocentesis which would 100% confirm if the baby did have the syndrome. But with the PTSD we had from Fynn’s passing and the risk involved in the test we decided not to do the test.

We proceeded under the belief that baby had the syndrome. So began a series of ultrasounds through MFM. We started with an anatomy scan at 19 weeks in February 2023. This confirmed that the baby did not have a clef palate. Yay one symptom down and two more to check on.

Next, we had a fetal echo set up with Primary Children’s hospital. Two days after my birthday we went in for the fetal echo. I was 22 weeks along. William kept kicking his umbilical cord out of the way making it difficult for the ultrasound tech to see things so we were there for ever. There weren’t any detectable issues with the baby’s heart or placenta. Yay another symptom down.

The final symptom was the esophagus and stomach detachment which can only be determined by amnio fluid being in excess.

During this whole pregnancy we were having multiple appointments happening every two weeks.

March 28th, I experienced the awesome feeling of the baby having hiccups. It was the coolest feeling because I had never experienced that with Madilynn or Fynn.

It also meant that the baby was was swallowing and that the esophagus and stomach issue wasn’t present. Things looked up.

Then, April 8th came and we went to a birthday party and the baby was moving.

Then we got home and I tried drinking some cold water and doing a kick count. But couldn’t detect any movement. So I pulled my husband aside so that I didn’t scare Madilynn and said I hadn’t felt the baby move for a bit and was concerned.

So I headed to the hospital alone because I thought it was going to be fine.

Sadly it wasn’t. There was no heartbeat. We had lost another baby.

Will dropped Madilynn off at our friends house and came to the hospital.

I meanwhile had called my mom. I just kept saying “Sorry”.

This world can be cruel and joyful in a single moment. You see my smile here. I am happy to be this angel’s mom and I so wanted him to be with us.

This time was supposed to be different. I was hopeful that I had done everything right. I know that I am still a mom but I thought this time would be different but it wasn’t.

I don’t know why this continues to happen to us. Life continues on even when you heart is left behind in that moment.

You have a choice to make; let it destroy you or you can continue on and help their stories be heard.

Remember I am always here to hear your stories of love and loss. You are never alone bereaved momma…never.